Adult Jokes's archive
Compliment Her
There are these two highschool boys at the prom. The first one says to the other..
"My dates really hot and wants to go out to my car, but I'm afraid I'll screw it up"
His friend tells him
"Don't worry! Just compliment her. Girls love compliments."
He says ok and leaves. About 15 minutes later he returns rubbing [...]
Crazy Person
Q: How does a crazy person travel through the woods?A: They take the psycho path.
Hillary Goes To Heaven
Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says “Hillary, I know you’re ’somebody’ down on Earth, but up here, you’re just another person. And, I’m swamped right now, so have a seat and I’ll get back with you as soon as I can.”
So Hillary sits down and [...]
The Complaint
The complaint:
Ms.B.Haven;
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:I do physical labor.I work at great depths.I plunge head first into everything I do.I do not get weekends or public holidays off.I work in a damp environment.I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.I work in high temperatures.My work [...]
Big in Texas
A big Texan took a job out of state. The company required him to have a physical before starting work. The Texan was in the waiting room when a beautiful woman called him in. The woman asked him to remove his clothes and put on a gown. The Texan complied, when he took off his [...]
Catholic Girls
A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St Peter.
St Peter asks first girl, “Rebecca, have you ever had any contact with a penis?”
She giggles and shyly replies, “Well I once touched the head of One with [...]
Break In
A guy breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the [...]
Where to go…
The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, “What the hell, I’ll try it,”He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn’t do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He [...]
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