JokesKafe - Hilarious Funny Jokes

A guy dies and goes to heaven. He sees a guard who has watches. The guy askes the guard what are the watches for? The guard says these watches are desegnated to the person and everythime that person lies the watch moves to the right. The guy askes and can I see George Washington watch? The guard shows it, it only moved to the right once. Can I see Abrahamn Licoln watch? It only moved twice to the right which means he only lied 2 times. Can I see George Bushes watch? The guard says I’m very sorry, you can’t see it because Jesus is using as a ceiling fan.

(16 votes, average: 3.56 out of 5)

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While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they’re intelligent.

“I do so by asking them the right questions,” says the Queen. “Allow me to demonstrate.”

She phones Tony Blair and says, “Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?”
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(16 votes, average: 4.69 out of 5)

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Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.”

“OH NO!” the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!”

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, “How many is a brazillion?”

(18 votes, average: 3.56 out of 5)

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How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;

4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
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(10 votes, average: 3.2 out of 5)

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George Bush has started an ill-timed and disastrous war under false pretenses by lying to the American people and to the Congress; he has run a budget surplus into a severe deficit; he has consistently and unconscionably favored the wealthy and corporations over the rights and needs of the population; he has destroyed trust and confidence in, and good will toward, the United States around the globe; he has ignored global warming, to the world’s detriment; he has wantonly broken our treaty obligations; he has condoned torture of prisoners; he has attempted to create a theocracy in the United States; he has appointed incompetent cronies to positions of vital national importance.

Now, would someone please give him a blow job so we can impeach him?

(22 votes, average: 2.59 out of 5)

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There’s a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy–Johnny.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, “I’m not a Bush fan.”

The teacher says, “Why aren’t you a Bush fan?”

Johnny says, “I’m a John F. Kerry fan.” The teacher asks why he’s a Kerry fan. The boy says, “Well, my mom’s a Kerry fan, and my Dad’s a Kerry fan, so I’m a Kerry fan!”

The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, “What if you’re Mom was a moron, and you’re dad was an idiot, what would that make you?”

Johnny says, “That would make me a Bush fan.”

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(8 votes, average: 3.88 out of 5)

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Bill Clinton, George Bush, a spectacular looking blonde woman and an enormously large woman with an unfriendly scowl are in a train car. The train passes through a tunnel, and in the darkness the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. As the train pulls out of the tunnel, the daylight reveals a big red slap mark on Clinton’s cheek.

The blond thinks: “That rascal Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who must have slapped his face”

The fat lady thinks: “That dirty old Bill Clinton touched the blonde and she smacked him.”

Bill Clinton thinks: “George put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me.”

George Bush thinks: “I hope there’s another tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again.”

(6 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)

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A researcher called G. W. Bush house in Austin.

G. W was sleeping in late and was awaken by the call.

He was half-asleep when he answered the phone.

Researcher: Excuse me, sir. I’m conducting a survey

GW Bush: Questions? No political questions.

Reseacher: Political, sir?

GW Bush: Do you know who you are calling?

Researcher: We call numbers at random, sir. May I ask —

GW Bush: What is this about?

Researcher: We are asking people do they think COKE beats PEPSI.

GW BUSH: I’ve never tried Pepsi. Is that a new thing?

(6 votes, average: 2.5 out of 5)

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George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair.

The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, “Aren’t you Moses?” The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

George W. positioned himself more directly in the man’s view and asked again, “Aren’t you Moses?” The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George W. tugged at the man’s sleeve and asked once again, “Aren’t you Moses?”

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, “YES, I AM!”

George W. asked him why he was so uppity and had taken so long to answer him.

The man replied, “The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up stuck in a desert for forty years!

(3 votes, average: 2.33 out of 5)

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