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The Italian says, “When I’ve a finisheda makina da love with my girlfriend I go down and gently tickle the back of her kneesa, she floatsa 6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy”.

 The Frenchman replies, “Zat is nothing, when Ah ‘ave finished making ze love with ze girlfriend, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy”.

 The Aussie says, “Mate, that’s nothing. When I’ve finished shaggin me sheila, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe me di*ck on the curtains. And MATE ….. She hits the fu*cking roof. GO THE AUSSIES

(12 votes, average: 3.83 out of 5)

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David: My wife beats me, doctor.
Doctor: Oh dear. How often?
David: Every time we play Scrabble!

(15 votes, average: 2.33 out of 5)

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Three couples got married and spent their honeymoons at the same hotel, where they were all attended to by Jeff the Bellboy. The first man married a nurse.

Jeff showed them to their room, all the while thinking to himself, “Lucky guy! Nurses are known to be hot to trot.” The second man married a telephone operator.

Jeff showed them to their room, while thinking to himself, “Wow, he`s one lucky dude. Telephone operators have such sexy voices and once you pop that top button.. Va-voom.”

The third man married a school teacher.

Jeff showed them to their room and thought to himself, “Poor sap. She may be pretty, but teachers are way too frigid.” At 5:30 the following morning, Jeff reported to work. He expected the teacher`s husband to call for breakfast any minute, but was sure the other two wouldn`t call until much later in the day.
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(23 votes, average: 4.57 out of 5)

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It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on w/one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest w/the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the sheer dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. He tells her to pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and flirt w/the ape.
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(4 votes, average: 3 out of 5)

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A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened…but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail.

In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened.

“Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.”

“That must have hurt,” said the judge.

“No kidding,” said the best man. “I broke three of my fingers.”

Joke Sponsored by Odd News Blog

(9 votes, average: 3 out of 5)

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A couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was to put the cat out.

The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in. So the husband goes back inside to chase it out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, the husband got into the taxi and said, “Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!”

(3 votes, average: 4 out of 5)

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Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can’t see each other using sign language).

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. “Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.”

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, “Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time.” “And if you don’t want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis… fifty times!”

(6 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)

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