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A blonde is speaking to his psychiatrist.

Blonde, “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.”

Psychiatrist, “Don’t you have a phone in your car?”

Blonde, “That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.”

Psychiatrist, “Uh … How’s that working?”

Blonde, “Actually, I haven’t gotten any letters yet.”

Psychiatrist, “And why do you think that is?”

Blonde, “I figured it’s because when I’m driving around, my zip code keeps changing.”

(18 votes, average: 3.56 out of 5)

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Joke Sponsored by Sports Obsessed

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up Nuts”, and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, “Down Nuts”, and they all sat back down in their seats.

After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, “Cheer Nuts” They all broke out into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, “Booooo Nuts” and they all started booing and cat calling.

Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned, there was a riot in progress.

Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked,” What in the world happened?” The assistant replied, “Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, “PEANUTS!”

(10 votes, average: 3.7 out of 5)

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David: My wife beats me, doctor.
Doctor: Oh dear. How often?
David: Every time we play Scrabble!

(15 votes, average: 2.33 out of 5)

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The patient shook His doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.”

“That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added, “Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I’d like to make a little change.”

(8 votes, average: 4 out of 5)

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Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say.
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

(11 votes, average: 2.82 out of 5)

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Two physicians board a flight out of Seattle. One sits in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an attorney sits in the seat by the aisle. The lawyer kicks off his shoes, wiggle his toes, and starts to settle in, when the physician in the window seat says, “I think I’ll get up and get a coke.”

“No problem,” says the attorney, “I’m by the aisle. I’ll get it for you.”
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(11 votes, average: 4.55 out of 5)

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Four doctors who hadn’t seen each other since their surgical residencies met at a medical seminar. Adjourning for dinner and drinks, they turned their conversation to who makes the best surgical patients:

The first said, for sure, electrical engineers. “You open ‘em up,” he contended, “and everything is color-coded.”
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(2 votes, average: 3 out of 5)

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A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

At his follow up visit the doctor talked to the man and said, “You`re really doing great, aren`t you?”

The man replied, “Just doing what you said Doctor, `Get a hot mamma and be cheerful`.”

The Doctor said, “I didn`t say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful.”

(4 votes, average: 2.25 out of 5)

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A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.

At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. “Is this the vet?” asked an elderly lady’s voice.

“Yes, it is”, replied the vet, “Is this an emergency?”
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(5 votes, average: 4.8 out of 5)

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A blonde goes to the doctor and he asks, “What’s wrong?” She says, “I hurt all over.” So he says, “What do you mean, all over?” So the blond takes her finger and pokes her knee. “Ow, that hurt.” Then she pokes her cheek. “Ow, that hurt.” Then she touches her earlobe. “Ow, even THAT hurt!” So the doctor asks, “Is blond your natural hair color?” The blond says, “Yes.” The doctor says, “You have a broken finger.”

Joke Sponsored by Funny Humor Blog

(10 votes, average: 4 out of 5)

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John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?
Doctor: Cut your head off.

(5 votes, average: 2.4 out of 5)

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Sam: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!
Doctor: Never mind, you’ll pass eventually.
Sam: But I’m the examiner!