JokesKafe - Hilarious Funny Jokes

-Well how ’bout that? I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.

-You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for non-chaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?

-I noticed that all your friends have a certain “up yours” attitude. I like that in a young person!

-Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY!

-What do you mean you want to play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

-Your mother and I are going away for while. You might want to consider throwing a party.

-Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickie thingies - you know - that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to the mechanic’s and pay whatever they ask.

-No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit your belly aching and lets get to the mall.

-Whaddaya want to go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

-Father’s Day? Ah - don’t worry about that - it’s no big deal.

(16 votes, average: 2.88 out of 5)

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10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody`s home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter

(9 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)

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1. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

3. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t care.
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(6 votes, average: 3.17 out of 5)

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Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
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(10 votes, average: 4.3 out of 5)

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The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alchohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through tiolet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
Helicopter ejector seat

Joke Sponsored by Funny Humor Blog

(12 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)

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10. You can usually find someone to do it with.

9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.

8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.

7. When you open a book, you don’t have to worry about who else has opened it.

6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.

5. If you don’t finish a chapter you won’t gain a reputation as a “book teaser.”
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(13 votes, average: 3.23 out of 5)

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1. But everybody looks funny naked!

2. You woke me up for that?

3. Did I mention the video camera?

4. Do you smell something burning?

5. (In a janitor’s closet) And they say romance is dead…

6. Try breathing through your nose.

7. A little rug burn never hurt anyone!

8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?

9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?

10. But whipped cream makes me break out.
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(7 votes, average: 4.29 out of 5)

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1 Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot

2 This is just a 15 minute power nap like they faved about in that time management course you sent me to

3 I was working smarter — not harder

4 Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper

5 Oh, I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm

6 This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people

7 I was testing the keybord for droo;-resistance

8 It worked for Reagan, didn’t it?

9 Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just wont wear off

10 I’m actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP) I learnt at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend

11 This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dremt abuot work

12 I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?

13 Hey! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem

14 They told me at the blood bank this might happen

15 I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day

(4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)

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1. It’s an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don’t care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

15. Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn’t so embarrassing.

16. Employees work later since there’s no longer a need to relax at the bar.

17. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.

18. Everyone agrees they work better after they’ve had a couple of drinks.

19. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.

20. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.

21. It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.

22. The janitor’s closet will finally have a use.

23. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.

24. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as “gross.”

25. Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.

(5 votes, average: 3.8 out of 5)

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