A preacher is buying a parrot.
“Are you sure it doesn’t scream, yell, or swear?” asked the preacher.
“Oh absolutely. It’s a religious parrot,” the storekeeper assures him.
“Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord’s prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the [...]

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There was a man who was fed up with modern society, and decided to become a Monk. He checked out a number ofmonasteries and chose one he liked. The only reservation he had with it was, he had to take a vow of silence and couldonly say two words every one year. He took the [...]

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A priest was sent to a very small church in the backwoods ofAlaska. After a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay thepriest a visit to see how he was doing. The priest said that it was a really lonely job and that hedidn’t think that he could have made it without his Rosaryand [...]

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An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice.
The priest said: “Well, my son, when was [...]

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Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: “The [...]

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A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St Peter.
St Peter asks first girl, “Rebecca, have you ever had any contact with a penis?”
She giggles and shyly replies, “Well I once touched the head of One with [...]

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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. 
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes [...]

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A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. There would be a loud “thud”, and then he would swerve back on the [...]

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